But either way or any other, depending on who you are, this is the blog of Colonel Pork AKA Gohantech AKA Josh Josh AKA Joshie AKA Joshy Washy Poo AKA Little Munchkin AKA Sgt. Porkrind AKA Colonel AKA Son Joshymon AKA Hamboy AKA Da Big Yung Lil Porkmansirthing da Villainmeister of the Boar Mafia Squad Clique Bloaw! Bloaw! Bloaw! *whew* Mostly, I'll probably do a combination of five things:
UN! Talk about hip-hop that I am currently listening to, whether it is old or new.
DEUX! Talk about games I'm playing at the moment.
TROIS! Discuss a movie I might've watched recently.
QUATRE! Maybe talk about tidbits of my life. But I'd like to veer away from that because it seems typical of most blogs.
CINQ! Post my mediocre videos.
Oh yes, need I shamelessly self-promote my Youtube channel? In case you're wondering, it is the user name, DA DA DA DUUUUUNNNNNN, colonelpork. Yeah, so unpredictable. I am, indeed, a part of the YouTube community, but I'm not one of those with 1000+ subscribers. I've only got about 90, and it's mostly because I haven't really made anything worthwhile as of yet. I've tried, but it's mostly experiments with Windows Movie Maker or Sony Vegas. I know what you're thinking: "BAH BAH GET A MAC WITH FINAL CUT AND SHIT PCS SUCK MAYNE YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Yeah. First of all, how the hell do you know I have a PC? Second, don't have the moolah. So get off my case. Although I hope someday to actually come up with the funds to upgrade to one. But anyways, you didn't come here to read about me ramble on about my movie making capabilities. Naw, you came for the GOOD SHIT! And yes, I have a tendency to swear a lot, but fuck it. If you don't like it, BAW WELL!!!!!
COLONEL PORK'S CINEPLEX FOR CINEPHILES!!!!!
3 Idiots. Not my first exposure to Bollywood cinema (had to watch Monsoon Wedding for a class last year, which had some Bollywood elements in it), but it definitely left an immense impression on me. First of all, judging from the DVD case, you'd think it was a screwball comedy about these buddies goofing off in college just to try to get laid or become stoners or whatever your typical college comedy far calls for. Not exactly the case here. You still have these three dudes who slack off in college. However, they actually have a purpose for doing so, and they bring across some very real messages that are relevant to those who are actually going to college. I won't spoil what it is, but see for yourself, and you'll find a message that, while maybe not too subtle, is an effective one. Then again, with a flashy movie such as this, subtly isn't going to matter. What I also loved about this movie is how unpredictable it is. It mixes so many genres into one film that you won't know what to expect. One minute you'll see some over-the-top slapstick comedy, and the next you'll be shocked at some very grim scenes. There are also a couple dance numbers thrown into the mix as well that adds a zaniness to the film's atmosphere, which is fairly typical of a Bollywood movie straight out of India. They may seem cheesy and flamboyant to viewers who aren't used to it, but they add more personality to a lengthy film that oozes in charm and spectacle that you won't even mind. It also helps that the movie seems self-aware at times and even pokes fun at cinematic stereotypes represented in movies of the past, such as the transition to black and white when visiting the family of one of the friends, who happens to be living in poverty. It's a movie that blends harsh realities with imaginative set-pieces and a speck of bliss so seamlessly that it is unlike any concoction that I've ever witness in a film before. Sure you have your dark comedies with one consistent tone throughout. Sure you have your derivative comedies with that dramatic plot point towards the end that becomes resolved before you know it in a cliche manner. But nothing as unconventional as this. It is one of the most unique films I've seen lately, and I definitely recommend it for those who want something different and don't mind subtitles. Because we all KNOW that subtitles = bad movie, right? RIGHT?!!! That's what I thought.
WHAT THE HELL IS COLONEL PORK LISTENING TO???!!
So throughout the last few years, I've heard a few songs from Sticky Fingaz, one of the members of the group, Onyx. I liked his gravelly delivery and eerie, grimy voice and subject matter, particularly from songs such as "Debo the Game." So, just recently, with school and work practically taking over and the stress piling up to major depths, I needed some music to, well, vent to. The hip-hop genre does a very good job at providing some good music to calm your nerves to. It's basically my beer. My weed. My cigarettes. Without it, I wouldn't know what the hell to do to be honest. It helps me get by. But I wanted something more aggressive, in your face, something immensely dark, yet full of energy. I wanted some hardcore gangsta shit to bump in the ride, so, I checked out my Wish List on Amazon. I noticed one of those Onyx CDs were at a lower price than usual, and that CD happened to be their first album, Bacdafucup. So I bit. And at first, surprisingly, it didn't completely fulfill my aggressive needs. Yeah, an album with a cover like that, you're probably wondering, "Colonel, WTF dude? Those dudes look like they're about to cause a riot at my grandmom's house, the hell you mean it ain't 'THAT aggressive?"' Well, I gave it a few more spins, and it started to grow on me. And GROW on me. And, now, it's become one of my favorite old school 90s rap albums (out of the very few that I've actually managed to obtain within the past few years of sustaining my first job). There are so many bangers on this thing that pump you up and make you want to get out of your seat and just scream obscenities toward the world. It's the perfect shit to bob your head to when you just had a shitty day at your job or you got some bad results from your final exams or whatever. Oh, and of course, the main reason why I like this album so much? Sticky Fingaz, of course. Dude just has such a menacing presence as an emcee, and he definitely stands out. His fucked up personality is something you don't see much in hip-hop anymore, and it's refreshing to hear, even though the album itself is about 20 years old. But, yeah, if you're one of those people reading this that turns their nose up at the whole genre of hip-hop, thinking that it isn't a credible enough "music" genre, this album isn't going to convince you otherwise. In fact, I probably made you think just now that the genre was worse than you thought. But whatever. This album isn't meant to be meaningful or lyrical or artsy fartsy anyways. It's just an enjoyable album that gives you that extra UMPH! of adrenaline on those dreary days in which nothing is going right. Or maybe it's an album to listen to when you're just psyched about nonstop greatness fulfilling your day and you need that extra push to pump yourself up even more in celebration. Whatever floats your boat. Here's a sample morsel of intensity you'll find from this particular album:
I'll spare you from anymore long walls of text for now. I'm sure this first blog post was overwhelming as is, so I won't bore you to tears any longer. I'm still learning this shit, too, so I probably went over everyone's limit of how much bloggage they can consume at once, so maybe I can figure out the correct length as these posts go on. I just want to thank another fellow blogger, you may know her as Ryuluna AKA Luna. She helped convince me to make one of these suckers. She has her own blog that will just BLOW YOUR FREAKIN MIND it is so awesome and informative. So check it out. Notes From the Master Mind it is called. I would link you to it, but I'm still a n00b at this, so go Google dat shit or something. So, Colonel Pork, signing off......with awesome solar flare logo of awesomeness that may cause permanent blindness! OH NOESSS!!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!
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